Adam Sandler Wants A New 'Three Men And A Baby,' Only Gayerby: Posted:
You know, were this any other franchise to which barely-funny-anymore-on-a-great-day man-child Adam Sandler was being given the kingdom keys to remake, I'd once more bemoan Hollywood's drought of originality.
But this? This has to be a thrown-away "South Park" script. This doesn't even equate to giving a seven-year-old the keys to a vintage Corvette. This is more like putting some kid that runs around on a leash and wearing a helmet at all times in the seat of a Relient on cinder blocks and letting him pretend to drive: nothing of value is at risk, and gosh darn it, it's cute to watch him try.
If Movieweb is yanking my chain, that's a mean, mean thing to do. Because this has the benefit of being the best kind of unintentionally funny, and maybe making sure that Sandler is never trusted to make a movie ever again.
The website reports that after apparently years spent trying, Disney may have finally conceived a "Three Men and a Baby" remake. Once upon a time circa 2009, this newborn would've been the unholy, baboon-frightening, antichrist offspring of talent black-holes Jonah Hill, Zac Efron and Justin Long taking over the roles of Ted Danson,Tom Selleck and Steve Guttenberg. Mercifully, that was aborted.
There had also been talk that Danson, Selleck and Guttenberg would all reprise their original roles in "Three Men And A Bride." Guess the plot.
This latest spawn is probably going to be the cinematic equivalent to Ralph Wiggum, because Sandler reportedly wants to tap fellow "Saturday Night Live" cronies Chris Rock, Rob Schneider and David Spade to star in a reboot that Sandler himself will produce.
Sound bad? Well, it should. It will be. But please, put a pillow under your jaw now because that damn "Archie Comics CEO Screams 'PENIS!' At Employees" story just about bankrupted me with cosmetic dental surgery bills.
Sandler would reportedly make the three lead bachelor characters caring for an infant gay. That's because his infantile mind allegedly watched an episode of MTV's "Real Life" about three gay men in a relationship that want to bring a fourth into their group, and this was where his mind went: a gay three-way between his three best friends.
If you aren't yet scared of Adam Sandler . . . please, start being scared. Hide your kids, hide your wives. He wants group gayness between Rob Schneider, David Spade and Chris Rock.