'The Bachelorette' Preview: Of Muppets, Cookies And Men
Now that we've 19 hearty souls among this Fellowship To Be Duped Into Buying A Ring, what trials await along the road to Lord Emily's sanctum? After all, one does not simply ask out the hot single mom.
If what WetPaint knows is any indication, it's only fitting that Yidio bring back weekly "The Bachelorette" recaps, because we've swapped out a grown woman with all the emotional maturity of a 16 year old for a grown, once-jilted single mom whose dates have more method to their madness (i.e., "I have a kid, so let's see if you can handle the basics...") than the last round's torture porn for emotionally underdeveloped fans of "The Notebook."
NOTHIN' SAYS LOVIN'...
The eighth season's second episode kicks off with Ryan Bowers getting to stick a little something in Emily Maynard's oven.
Cookies. They're cookies, folks, not his penis.
Maynard wants to get it straight right off the bat that she's a package proposal: she comes with all accessories you see here, including her daughter Ricki - and Ricki's soccer team. So it comes to pass that the pair spend their very first date baking cookies together for the team, before Maynard rolls up in an Aston Martin and sweeps Bowers off to dinner.
Ah, the group dates. They're the "Swan Lake" of the cock-block.
Look, there's nothing new that could be said about past Bachelorettes playing men like puppets. Mercifully, instances of, say, Hebert getting strapping bachelors to beat the love-struck out of each other didn't involve hands being shoved up backsides.
We're pretty sure it didn't. We're about 60-percent positive.
In one big, silly metaphor for the entire "Bachelor/Bachelorette" brand, the strung-along men shall cavort with literal puppets on the first group date when Maynard and Ricki join 13 grown men at a charity Muppets performance benefiting the Ricky Hendrick Centers for Intensive Care at The Levine Children's Hospital. Like Hebert's big dance-off in last season's second episode, the men will all get in on the act when they split into groups of two to perform alongside the beloved Henson felt friends.
Of course, later, everything breaks down into peacock-ish escalation of "May I cut in?" when the group gets casual over drinks and dancing.
Elsewhere, two dudes with attitudes go all "Hulk SMASH!" when parenting philosophy is called into question! Joe Gendreau visits Emily's home state of West Virginia! Three good-looking single men will find themselves with ample time to prepare for hearing "You're home already?" dozens of times.