Fake Kristen Stewart Explains the Affairby: Posted:
Well, thank whichever holy deity you thank in situations like these: we finally have an answer, straight from the totally fake source.
Fake Kristen Stewart has posted a YouTube video explaining her affair with married director Rupert Sanders in an apology that somehow manages to come off as more genuine than Actual Kristen Stewart’s public announcement.
If you’re not familiar with Fake Kristen Stewart and her oh-so informative viral videos, then you probably have no idea how the Virgin Mary gave birth in a stable because all the hotels were booked, because it’s really hard to get a room on Christmas Eve.
Or you haven’t bought the DVD box set, “‘Twilight’ Actress Kristen Stewart Teaches You How to Speak More Good.”
Either way, if you’ve been following the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson fiasco at all (which, let’s face it, most of us are whether we want to admit it or not), and have a sense of humor, then let Fake Kristen explain away your lingering concerns in a heartfelt video intended for Rob.
While chortling moving men take away boxes marked with notes like “RPattz Hair,” Kristen describes to her heartbroken paramour the harrowing assortment of crisis that lead her to sleep with “Snow White and the Huntsman” director, Rupert Sanders. Whose name, by the way, sounds a lot like Robert’s, so it’s understandable that the girl might get confused now and again.
Besides, she just wanted to be the best actress she can be, how can Robert blame her for that?
If you want to watch FKS cure Sander’s boneritis, you can watch the video here, but I don’t recommend you click if you’re enjoying any popcorn at the moment.
And Rob, if Fake Kristen having sex with Sanders to save your dog, Bear, or having sex with Sanders to fulfill a dying kid’s wish, or… well, you get the idea… doesn’t force you to forgive her and take her back, than you’re just as dead inside as actual vampire Edward.
Because that girl’s a saint. A saint!