Herman Cain Admits Campaign Speech Quoted 'Pokemon'
It has come to this, everybody: a man that wanted to lead the free world has admitted that he cribbed campaign-speech rhetoric from "Pokemon."
So former Godfather's Pizza executive Herman Cain won't be seeking the Republican presidential election nomination after all, after being dogged by scandals centered on accusations that he sexually harrassed several women in the past, and even carried out a 13-year, extra-marital relationship with another.
Please. Spare the man your tears. Not that it isn't abundantly apparent enough that we're not dealing with a smooth criminal cut from the Clinton cloth, but Cain has also admitted to GQ Magazine that he yanked some rousing, rallying rhetoric used in his campaign speeches from "Pokemon: The Movie 2000."
See if this line sounds familiar: "Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it's never easy when there's so much on the line." Of course, he credits the line to "a poet."
Yeah, those would be the words to the movie's theme song.
"I believe those words came from the 'Pokemon' movie," Cain told GQ. This can't be a real interview. This has to be the script from some scrapped "Saturday Night Live" bit featuring Tim Meadows. "It says a lot about where I am, where I am with my wife and my family, and where we are as a nation."
Yeah, we should absolutely go easy on him. After all, he just wants to be the very best, like no one ever was!
Anyway, he explains that he heard the song, performed by Donna Summer, during the most recent Olympics. "I fell in love with this song, fell in love with how she sang the song and fell in love with the lyrics."
Well, if the sum of recent events says anything, maybe he should've just started quoting "I Fall In Love Too Easily" and been honest about it.
Hey, that gives me an idea: Mr. Cain, as long as we're apparently considering Japanese culture fair game, someone would like to say a few words to you . . .
Oh, that's right, Cain. You get Gedde Watanabe and "UHF." Takei is earned, sir.
Meanwhile, check out the first and, we can hope, last intersection of "Pokemon" and American politics.