Sorry, Charlie: We're Giving You Up for Lent
Well, it’s official. Yesterday we asked our readers if they thought we should give up Charlie Sheen coverage for Lent, and by our pseudo-scientific measurements, you said “yes” by about a 5:1 margin.
So Sheen, though you may have Tiger’s Blood running through your veins, though you may be “winning” with the blessed Adonis DNA you possess, for the next 40 days (okay, 39 really) we’re just plain not going to report on you.
Swing your machete with reckless abandon, holler from the treetops about how “Two and a Half Men” done you wrong. Scream to your heart’s content about how Chuck Lorre is an impotent, talentless, charlatan anti-christ. Hell, tell us you’re starting your own personal palatial porn Fantasy Island and bringing that little guy who played Tatoo back from the dead so he can personally tell you “boss, boss, the plane, the plane.”
Do what you need to do, Charlie, ‘cause we’re not covering it.
Don’t get us wrong, man. Secretly we think you’re doing a Joaquin Phoenix-like end run on us all. And we think the way you’re playing this media game to build buzz and traffic for the Sheen brand is sorta genius. And, though “Two and a Half Men” was no towering work of television comedy, the only reason it was ever sorta funny was because of you.
But let’s face it. Right now, you’re eighteen thousand shades of f#$%ed up, and it’s getting old. It’s not like you’ve invented partying (and for the record, Keith Richards kicks your ass in that regard anyway), but you have managed to make sure every second of your over the top mental breakdown gets broadcast to the world ad nauseam.
Sometimes it’s funny, we’ll admit. But what’s not funny is that you have kids. And because you’ve decided they don’t matter in the grand scheme of Sheen, you’ve lost custody of them. And that's just...lame.
That being said, it sincerely pains us to take a Sheen coverage holiday, simply because of the traffic your personal train wreck is driving. But that’s sort of what Lent is supposed to be about – giving up something you don’t want to give up, but that you know is pretty much bad for you.
And you’re bad for us. And for your kids. And we need a break. We hope you understand. See you again around Easter time, dude. Hope you’ve got your sh%^ together by then.
Two and a Half Men