Tell Us, Matthew Broderick: What Is 'Coming Soon'? (We Guess, Super Bowl Ad)by: Posted:
Ladies and gentlemen, we now present "The Yidio Open Letter To Matthew Broderick" . . .
Dear Mr. Broderick,
First off, let us just say that we're big fans. We even dig "War Games." You are the Robert DeNiro of whiny, mealy-mouth characters.
We're also men enough to admit, you were hilarious in "The Producers," both on stage and screen.
That being said . . .
If you must, lie to us, Matthew Broderick.
Say that you're the new Five-Hour Energy spokesman. Say that you just can't be having a bad day - not on Rex Manning Day. Say that you really meant, "Have I sunk so low as an actor that I'd make 'Godzilla 2: Monsters Go Hawaiian' if Roland Emmerich offered me a Snickers that's been melting all afternoon in his pocket."
Surely you understand, Broderick. Sure, it's just a movie to you - a movie you made half a lifetime ago with an icon of 1980s adolescence and puberty named John Hughes, yet that remains timelessly hilarious. Sure, you've done plenty of other things to be proud of since then, and it's got to be crazy some days when that's the only movie of all your works that every other person you run across seems Hell-bent on proving he or she can quote line-for-damn-line.
Sure, you'd probably dance a gleeful jig through the Pearly Gates if you never again in your life see another sweater vest or hear "Twist And Shout."
That being said . . .
Tell us this isn't what it looks like. We live in an age when Hollywood decided that the world desperately needed - nay, DEMANDED! - remakes of "A Nightmare On Elm Street" and "Footloose" and for God-Only-Knows what reason, a sequel to "Wall Street" and three "Alvin And The Chipmunks" and "Transformers" movies each.
When we see you walk to a window, throw open the sash and say to us, "How can I handle work on a day like today?" followed by "Coming Soon - 2.5.12," we start fearing the worst. Take any movies, Gods of Crap-tastic Remakes and Unnecessary Sequels. But spare us our Ferris Bueller and his day-off.
"Jumping to conclusions"? Maybe. But looking at the many, many great movies tainted by remakes over the past several years that many never ever imagined could really be, we rule out nothing and suspect anything. So when the YouTube channel registered to "chuckachucka2012" tells us that if we can't wait, we can "take a 'day off' on Monday and catch the big reveal" . . . well, we'll bite.
In the meantime . . . lie to us, Broderick. We promise, we'll believe.
Legions Of Fans Praying To The Sausage King Of Chicago That This IS NOT Teasing A "Ferris Bueller's Day-Off" Sequel
(P.S. - Yes, we're well aware this is obviously a 10-second teaser for a Super Bowl ad. But I've sat through every "Hellraiser," every "Saw" and "The Human Centipeder: First Sequence" even joking about remaking "Ferris Bueller" terrifies me more than all of the above combined. Because somewhere, somebody sees this and thinks "Hey, why not?")