Charlie Sheen to Get Roasted During Ashton Kutcher's 'Two and a Half Men' Debut; Which Show Will Win the Ratings?

You've got to hand it to the folks at Comedy Central. This is one of the most brilliant counter-programming tactics of all time.

When Ashton Kutcher takes over for Charlie Sheen on "Two and a Half Men" September 19th on CBS, the folks at Comedy Central will be hosting a roast of Charlie Sheen at the same time. Ashton vs. Sheen, head to head - pretty boy vs. former pretty boy - in a celebrity battle royale. Bring your own lawn chairs and s'mores.

“You could say I’ve been providing kindling for this Roast for a while,” said Sheen in a Comedy Central release. “It’s time to light it up.  It’s going to be epic.”

Past episodes of The Comedy Central Roast have been pretty ridiculous. The roast of Pam Anderson, for example was an enthralling, disgusting and hilarious spectacle with all the unavoidable guilty draw of a horrific roadside accident, especially the parts where a clearly intoxicated Courtney Love took over the show. Sheen's roast is certain to be similarly epic, as the Phineas Gage of the celebrity world has apparently instructed Comedy Central to let him have it, with zero limitations on subject matter.

“Charlie has assured us that nothing will be off limits in this Roast… which scares even us,” said Kent Alterman, Head of Original Programming and Production at Comedy Central. "The Comedy Central Roast Of Charlie Sheen” will tape in Los Angeles on Saturday, September 10 and premiere on Comedy Central on Monday, September 19 at 10:00 p.m. ET/PT.

Say what you will about Sheen. When the man gets his hype machine running at full speed, you better get out of the way. Of course, Kutcher has proven equally adept at promoting anything he touches. With a staggering 7.1 million followers on Twitter, he's one of the most recognizable, active and powerful entertainment figures in the social media world.

Can Kutcher compete with Sheen? Will the undeniable spectacle of Sheen's "epic" roast take a chunk out of Kutcher's big CBS debut?

CBS president Les Moonves told The Hollywood Reporter that he expected "huge numbers" for the premiere of "Two and a Half Men," promising "AFC championship-type" numbers for the opening Kutcher-ized episode of the show.

While Moonves has the experience to make that kind of prediction, it reminds us a little bit of "the Spiderman numbers" the "Entourage" crew spends so much time talking about at the beginning of season three. While it's good to have goals for a show (or in the case of "Entourage," the fictional movie "Aquaman"), there's no reason to set yourself up for potential failure by putting a name to it before you've actually achieved it.

Plus, if CBS fails to hit such astronomical ratings heights with Ashton Kutcher's debut on CBS, whether Charlie Sheen and his roast are to blame or not, the press is not going to be kind. If Sheen takes the lion's share of the "Two and a Half Men" audience, Moonves may end up sounding like Ari Gold when he said:

"It wasn't the Cubs' fault when that douche bag grabbed that foul ball either, but they still don't get a World Series Ring. There are no asterisks in this life, only scoreboards, and ours is currently reading 'F^&*ed.'"