'Hell's Kitchen' Season 9, Episode 1 '18 Chefs Compete' Recap

The montage at the beginning of this permiere episode promises "the most volatile season yet." Judging by all the yelling, screaming and crying going on, that might actually be the case.

We get a little roundtable introduction to our chefs, including the large and bearded Jason, the Jersey-born Will, and the already-annoying Carrie, who thinks she's a lot hotter than she actually is.

The chefs are all brought onto a stage to the sound of a screaming crowd, and get totally punked. When the curtain comes up, they are greeted by an empty house and the single, sarcastic slow clap of Gordon Ramsay. So this may be not only the most volatile season yet, but also the most sarcastic.

In the kitchen, Elise is already setting herself up as the bitchy one, while Will seriously has to be playing up the whole Jersey thing. Nobody is this Jersey. Seriously, he out-Jerseys even the "Jersey Shore" cast.

Turns out the men will go up against the women in this signature dish competition. Carrie put sugar in her mashed potatoes, which Ramsay promptly spits out. The Jewish-Italian self-proclaimed "pizza bagel" Will (seriously, how Jersey is this guy?) passes with flying colors.

Amanda and Brandon are up next, and both get a point. Two to one, men in the lead.

Jennifer serves up "Jenny's pork," which Ramsay thinks is "actually quite nice." Jonathon and his unbearably Southern accent, however, put canned pineapple on a piece of chicken, which so infuriates Ramsay that he's ready to send Jonathon packing right now. I wouldn't mind that. Sadly, he doesn't follow through. But he doesn't taste it either.

Krupa brings up some stuffed naan, which looks unappetizing and doesn't taste much better either. Paul gets a point with his dish. 3 to 2 for the men.

The rest of the chefs get skipped over until we get to Gina and Jason with the score tied. Jason provides pork tacos, which surprisingly wins the point.

The men get to eat at LA Market with last season's winner Nona while the women clean both kitchens. Elise complains that Krupa and Carrie "sunk" the team. She has a point. Who puts sugar in mashed potatoes? Seriously.

Jason is wavering around and looking pretty bad...bad enough that the medic has to come in and put an oxygen mask on him. Not a great start for the Mario Batali look-alike. Has anyone thought about giving him some water? Jason gets taken away to the hospital for bed rest, so the blue team is going to be one man short.

Things are going rough for the men's team, but even worse for the women's team. Elise has already screwed up by making a crappy risotto, but Krupa steps in to make another. She gets approval from Ramsay and celebrates, but immediately gets reprimanded. "Don't start peeing your knickers now," says Ramsay.

Blue team is having its own problems, as Chino burns one of the dishes and Stephen starts putting out the wrong ticket. Ramsay's angry enough to slam the dish down on the table and bench Chino.

Krupa continues to kick ass with a perfectly-prepared Wellington, meanwhile Stephen screws up again with undercooked scallops and gets benched. The men are now down three while Stephen eats his awful scallops. No sooner does he sit down, though, that Tommy gets benched as well. Bet they're really wishing Jason could stand up and breathe right about now.

On the women's side, Elise decides to kick up her obnoxiousness a notch by grabbing Carrie's dish away from her to make it for her, which earns her a spot on the bench. As Krupa so eloquently puts it, "HA!"

Jonathon makes up for his canned pineapple with a good Wellington, but Monterrey doesn't have the garnish ready, so it goes in the trash. But when Jonathon provides another one, they get held up by the side item again as Brendan burns the potatoes. Potatoes which, by the way, he was standing over the entire time.

Meanwhile, the customers are walking out and the men have no answer for it. "Shut it down," says Ramsay.

Carrie and Elise get into it in the debriefing, and Paul and Brendan go head-to-head as they get sarcastic with each other over not being able to get a single entree out. Brendan calls Paul a "meatball" and a "dumpling." The men are obviously the losing team, and have to decide their bottom two. As of now, it looks like Stephen, Brendan and Chino are the forerunners.

The team ultimately nominates Stephen and Monterrey, but Gordon decides to throw in a third and adds Chino to the mix. Brendan somehow gets off without facing elimination. The three state their cases, with Stephen noting that at least he and Chino got a couple of appetizers out.

Ultimately, though, Ramsay eliminates Stephen, who removes his coat and heads out the door with his chest hair. Ramsay sends the rest of them out with a hearty "F@*^ off!"