Episode 'Gossip Girl' Season 4, Episode 17 "Empire Of The Son" Recap

The mighty fell hard last night on "Gossip Girl," but will they live to tell about it?

Lilly got herself into a sticky wicket following Serena's birdbrain attempt at saving the affidavit in case it was needed.  Oh, it was needed alright.  Hell hath no fury like Ben's mother scorned, and Lilly van der Woodsen-Bass-Humphrey is gonna pay for it.  Chuck was on top of the world until Russell Thorpe told him that Bart Bass was a murderer.  What a party pooper.

And what might be the greatest love story of our time has come to fruition.  I resisted for a great while, but I believe I'm finally giving in to the magic of DanBlairBear (pet names!).

Chuck was really doing well.  He seemed on the straight and narrow and super-fired up about carrying on the legacy of Bass Industries.

If only his step-sister had shredded that affidavit.  Now not only is Lilly going to jail, but Thorpe has bad news: Bart Bass killed Mrs. Thorpe in a building fire.  I know what you're thinking, because I'm thinking it, too-This storyline is really far-fetched.  Burning your competition's family members?  What?  I know we're past the point of believable scenarios, but why do the writers give Chuck an episode full of normalcy, then pull the rug out from underneath us? 

When Chuck told Serena to shut his party down, I nearly fell off the couch laughing.  Serena is good for two things: holding a glass of champagne and having sex on hotel bars.  Don't expect her to carry out instructions, verbal or written.  She's a socialite, not a human being.

Blair is all hopped up on something, and it's not vitamin B.  Serena's head is so far up her ass she doesn't notice that Blair is holding secret meetings with Lonely Boy. This is incest at its ugliest.  Blair has a crush on Dan, who dated Serena, who is now his step-sister (and if I know this show the way I think I know this show, the romance isn't dead yet). 

As crazy as she was, Ben's mother won the award for "Most Realistic Character" last night.  No one else seems to mind that Ben and Serena are dating after her need for attention put him behind bars for three years.

That was a little tacky of Thorpe to send Lilly a prison suit.  You don't even expect that sort of thing from Damien.

Oh, the heartbreak!  A wobbly-chinned Ben broke things off with Serena to regain his life back.  And here I thought this was forever...

I was a bit startled when Dan and Blair's kiss ended with a freeze frame.  Guess it was either than or a "Spotted" by Chuck and Serena.  It could have gone so many ways.  Now we have to wait until April 18th? 

Uggh, what does Dr. Van der Woodsen want now?