Watch Hapless

Paul wants to do a story on local builders. A terrible misunderstanding in Naomi's kitchen means he has to get involved in decorating, but a visit to the DIY store leads to a confrontation with a cute anti-vaxxer. Simon wants her number all the same. Paul helps the builder with tarmacking and, over lunch in a working men's caff, asks if there is such a thing as a no-skilled worker. But where has his phone gone? And why is Ronnie so interested in who wins the Jewish Gardening Competition?

Paul, suffering from a bad back, is given the chance to interview a pretentious Mancunian chef who has been selected for Saturday Kitchen. Paul tries to recreate sous vide by cooking fish fingers in his dishwasher. A visit to the local pool to ease his pain goes badly when Paul is accused by the Australian lifeguard of looking at the women underwater. Naomi insists Paul does a DNA test for kicks, but the results are not at all what she expected. When the chef loses out on Saturday Kitchen because of his religious views, Paul confronts the presenter Matt Tebbutt to ask whether they've ever had someone on who can't rip up toilet paper on the Sabbath.

Paul and Simon are illogically terrified by a beefed-up Liverpudlian at the gym. A woman who can only see with one eye drives into Paul's car, and Paul doesn't understand how she can legally drive. So he starts to wear an eye patch and sets the one-eyed driver a test. When he realises that he's scared of the Liverpudlian not because of his accent but because of his tattoos, there's only one solution: to get a tattoo. Of David Beckham. But how will the Scouser react?

Naomi sets Paul up on a blind date with an accountant called Pippa. She's gorgeous. And blind. But there's chemistry. When Paul discovers Pippa has a very unusual way of judging how good sex is, he makes a huge mistake in telling Naomi. Ronnie confesses that he too tried to date Pippa because of her sight issues and thought he'd get away with it. Pippa's obsession with numbers leads her to question one specific number that you don't trifle with.

Paul's mate Simon has started to shave his most intimate areas. When Paul is asked to do a puff piece on a mogul who's made a fortune from gambling and porn, he takes Simon's testicle razor along to show how consumerism has gone mad. And when a gay activist turns up at his home suggesting that Jews should be moved from Israel to America, Paul's nose for enquiry lands him in very hot water.

Paul stands in for Naomi at Joshie's parents' evening and is kept waiting by an irritating couple who run past their allotted time. He becomes enamoured with another parent's perfume. A work visit to a new interfaith group called IslamaJew leads Paul to question "British" values. When Paul runs into his vertically challenged friend Mark, who is training as a life coach, Paul takes him to Naomi's house to help Joshie come to terms with being short.

Paul is tasked with running a story on weddings from a male perspective. He enlists Naomi's help to pretend to be his bride. Buy a dress, book a venue, how difficult can it be? Things go wrong when he has to replace a broken toilet seat and meets a caterer with violent tendencies.

Ronnie and Paul help Naomi to prepare a Middle Eastern dish with courgettes for a dinner date. But there's something about those courgettes that is distinctly un-food-like. Paul is given the opportunity to interview British comedy icon Ronni Ancona about her latest film. The film, though, turns out to be a publicly funded, depressing Scottish drama, and Paul doesn't hold back. The tension is partly eased by a "personal sauna" comparison that Paul is doing for the paper, until Naomi burns the courgettes and all hands are needed to help out.