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After Brian accidentally kills another dog, and no one seems to care, he tries to convince everyone that they should value the life of a dog the same as a human. Meanwhile, Lois hires a maid who doesn't listen to Peter.

Peter and the guys interview potential friends to fill the vacancy left by Cleveland. However, things don't look so good for NBA star Kevin Garnett when it's discovered that Quagmire hates him.

Father doesn't know best when Quagmire assumes responsibility for a baby Peter finds who looks just like him. Meanwhile, Stewie clones himself in an all-new episode that also features a guest voice by Brittany Snow.

After attending to the concert of a teen superstar, Stewie discovers a surprising secret about the singer. Meanwhile back at home, Chris tries to prove the existence of the Evil Monkey.

When Stewie and Brian discover that the guys who moved into Cleveland's old house are spies, they follow them on a mission to Russia.

After finding a lump on her breast, Lois goes to the doctor to get it tested. Thankfully, the tests come back benign. However, the doctor looks into her family medical history and reveals that Lois is actually Jewish. Peter is eager at first for this new change, but after being visited by the ghost of his father, he changes his tune.

Brian and Stewie go on another road trip through alternate universes using a special remote control. Including a post-apocalyptic world, a parallel world run by dogs where humans are pets and a universe reminiscent of the show Robot Chicken.

Peter has his palm read by a psychic who reveals that he had a fascinating past life as Griffin Peterson, a dignified gentleman who vied for the love of Lady Redbush in 17th century England and in the newly founded American colony of Quahog. It was a time of great love and adventure where King Stewart reigned supreme, the smartest dog in the room was the court jester, army lieutenants were merely boys and even old England loved “How I Met Your Mother”.

After Peter discovers the writing of Stephen King, he imagines his family and friends in three of King’s most famous works.

When Brian discovers that his ex, Jillian (guest voice Drew Barrymore) is getting married, he is devastated until he meets "The Hills" star Lauren Conrad. Brian quickly discovers that Lauren just might be his perfect match - if only he can let Jillian go.

After Susie Swanson beats the crap out of Stewie, he and Peter take to the gym. What Stewie doesn't know is that Peter is giving him a little extra help to get those six-pack abs. Meanwhile, Chris begins dating one of the popular girls in school, but her popularity soon begins to subside.

When Brian gets busted for possession of marijuana, he starts a campaign to legalize the drug. Mayor West passes the law, which turns the townspeople into a bunch of potheads.

The Griffin family heads to the annual Quahog “Star Trek” convention, but Stewie blows a fuse when he doesn’t get a chance to ask his favorite “Star Trek: The Next Generation” cast members any questions. He devises a plan, builds a transporter and beams the entire cast to his bedroom so they can spend a fun-filled day together in Quahog.

Lois gets a job working for FOX News and has to do a report on a liberal filmmaker. However, she loses the job when her story implicates a conservative radio host.

Peter cashes in a raffle ticket from 1989 and wins a golf outing with O.J. Simpson. When Peter befriends the infamous former running back and brings him home to meet the family, the residents of Quahog aren't so welcoming to the new house guest and tell him to take a hike.

To make money and pay off his debts, Peter participates in medical experiments, including one that makes him gay. He winds up in a relationship with another man and leaves Lois and the family brokenhearted, however, they realize the important thing is that Peter is happy.

Bonnie finally gives birth to her baby, a beautiful girl named Susie, with whom Stewie falls in love and will do anything to win her heart. Meanwhile, Joe borrows $20,000 from a bookie to pay for Bonnie's medical bills, and plans to steal the money from Mr. Pewterschmidt to pay off his debt.

Peter is forced to go back to the third grade to try and qualify for a promotion at work. Meanwhile, Brian opens a bar with Frank Sinatra Jr, where they employ Stewie to make it a hotspot.

Realizing that Brian may be getting old, Peter gets a newer, happier dog who the Griffins love, prompting Brian to leave. But things go awry when the "new Brian" crosses the line and humps Stewie's favorite toy.

When Peter wins free gas for a year, Brian suggests a road trip to the Grand Canyon. After careful planning and packing, they depart, only to leave Stewie behind. Hilarity ensues as they race back to Quahog.

Death teleports Mort Goldman back to the Nazi era of Germany. Brian and Stewie knowing that Mort is Jewish decide the right thing to do is go back and save him.

When Peter re-discovers his love for the painfully annoying yet seductively catchy tune "Surfin' Bird," Brian and Stewie decide to take matters into their own hands to ensure that the song will never be heard again! On the verge of tears, Peter goes to every record store in Quahog to track down his beloved jingle, and he runs into a familiar face and ends up hanging out with Paris Hilton and Perez Hilton

Dissatisfied with his current love life, Brian decides to slow things down when he meets the girl of his dreams, Carolyn.

However, Cleveland soon sweeps Carolyn off her feet, and Brian must do anything he can do, to win her back, even if it means involving Cleveland's ex-wife, Loretta

100th Episode Special

During a visit to the vet Peter steals a parrot, and decides to become a pirate. Meanwhile Chris falls for the vet's intern. (Amanda Bynes)

When Brian is afraid that he has lost his chance at love, he goes in search of a former flame Tracy (Harvey Fierstein) only to discover he is the father of her unruly son, Dylan. After Brian’s surprise visit, Tracy drops Dylan off at the Griffin’s so Brian can raise him. Subsequently, his new little angel begins terrorizing the Griffin household and Brian’s self-important attitude toward parenting infuriates Peter and Lois.

Peter and Lois's marriage is on the rocks, but when Brian wins the New England Rising Writer's award, the three of them head to Martha's Vineyard for a relaxing vacation.

As Peter's drinking spirals out of control, so does Brian's self restraint as he professes his undying love for Lois. Peter and Brian test their friendship over the woman of their dreams.

James Woods returns after being locked in a crate to seek revenge against Peter.

First, James steals Peter's identity and moves in as head of the Griffin household. Then, Peter goes out and ruins James career and image

Peter decides to grow a moustache, but then he's mistaken for a fireman (because they all have moustaches), so he lends a hand when a fire breaks out at a local fast food restaurant.

The owner gives him unlimited burgers as a "thank you" but he eats so many that he eventually has a stroke. When Peter recovers, he vows to expose the fast-food company and becomes friends with a genetically engineered cow (Montalban) he meets after infiltrating the McBurgertown warehouse

Peter starts to treat Megan with more respect and dignity after she was hurt in an accident and Stewie and Brian try their hand at house flipping.

Peter discovers that he was really born in Mexico and his mother has never filled out his U.S. citizenship papers, making him an illegal alien. This causes his firing from the brewery and his hiring as a worker at the Pewterschmidt estate.

In order to obtain world domination Stewie goes undercover and tries out for American Idol. Lois mysteriously returns to Quahog after being presumed dead. Lois discovers what Stewie is up to and decides it is finally time to take control and confront her baby.

After Lois and Peter go on a cruise without inviting the kids, it upsets Stewie. A jealous Stewie gets back that urge he once had, for the urge to kill his mother has returned with a vengance.

After Bonnie (Jennifer Tilly) tells Joe (Patrick Warburton) that she is tired of being married to a handicapped person, Joe decides to get a leg transplant. Excited about his new ability to walk, Joe dives head first into extreme sports and begins to hang around more active friends. Meanwhile, Peter and the guys are upset at how Joe is acting and decide to teach him a lesson. In doing so, they re-cripple him and he is back to normal.

When Peter convinces Brian to move in with his dense girlfriend Jillian, she ends up smothering him, but he keeps her around for the lovin'. Stewie moves in with them to help pay the rent, but he tries to get Brian back on the playing field by throwing him a drunken party and interfering with their relationship. Meanwhile, Meg gets a job at the local convenience store, as does Chris, who gets chummy with the manager, Carl. While Chris and Carl talk about their favorite movies, Meg is saddled with all the hard work. She eventually stands up for herself and as a result gets fired.

When the power goes out in the Griffin home, Peter decides to educate his family and pass along the greatest story ever told, the story of Star Wars! After Princess Leia (Lois) comes under siege by Darth Vader (Stewie) and his evil Storm Troopers, C-3PO (Quagmire) and R2-D2 (Cleveland) escape to find the only person who can help the Rebel Alliance. On their quest thorough the desert planet of Tatooine, C-3PO and R-2D2 find extra help in Obi-Wan Kenobi (Creepy Guy), Luke Skywalker (Chris), Han Solo (Peter) and Chewbacca (Brian) and head back to battle the Death Star in an epic intergalactic fight to the death.

Death grants Peter's wish of going back in time to be 18 again just for one night so that he can sow his wild oats. In 1984, he bails on a date with Lois to go to a bar and make out with a movie actress, but when he returns to the present, he discovers that he is now married to the former starlet and Lois is with Quagmire.

When Lois runs for mayor of Quahog, she isn't the front-runner until she 'dumbs down' her political views. Once in office, she's corrupted by the power and starts accepting bribes so that she can buy herself expensive trinkets. Meanwhile, Peter's enjoying being the "first lady" and all of the perks that go along with it.

When Chris gets expelled from school, the family enrolls him in a snooty boarding school Mr. Pewterschmidt attended, but Chris doesn't exactly fit in. Meanwhile, the chicken returns to pick a fight with Peter, but you'll never guess how it all ends.

The family heads to church when Lois gets a gig as the organist, but after Stewie gets sick the congregation is convinced he's possessed by the devil. So, the family goes on the run and ends up in Texas. Peter fits right in with the cowboys, Stewie enters the "Little Miss Texas" pageant and Chris and Meg sneak into George W. Bush's house.

After a historical coin is found under the Griffin's carpet, Peter and Lois start a family restaurant, which soon turns into a favorite place for the paraplegic community of Quahog. But Peter turns against them.

After Peter hurts himself trying to fix a flat tire on former president Bill Clinton's limousine, an appreciative Clinton sets out to show the depressed Peter a good time. Then Clinton has some fun with Lois as well. Meanwhile, Stewie toilet trains Brian.

Peter takes Quagmire to the airport for work and messes things up, causing Quagmire to lose his job as a pilot. Quagmire cant find another gig, so Peter and Cleveland devise a plan to help him get his old job back. When the plan flops, Quagmire receives advice from his idol, Hugh Hefner, which leads him to save the day

When a bully harasses Chris, Peter goes to his defense, but the kid is so annoying that Peter ends up beating him up. Meanwhile, Stewie goes out without sunscreen and becomes obsessed with getting a tan. After Brian accidentally leaves him in the tanning booth for six hours, Stewie gets sunburned and fears he has cancer. While waiting for the results of his cancer screening, Stewie begins to live his life as if he had only days to live and drives Brian crazy with his demands.

When Peter accidentally kills his father it jogs his memory that Francis once told Peter he wasn't his real father. After Thelma tells him that his real father actually lives in Ireland Peter and Brian travel there to find him. Meanwhile, after Lois hits Stewie he discovers that he loves being spanked, and does everything possible in order to get spanked again.

When Brian accidentally sells Rupert at a garage sale him and Stewie go on a quest to find him. Meanwhile, Peter loses his drivers license and Meg has to drive him around. Surprisingly, they bond.

Meg is having problems finding a date for her prom, and she needs some help, even though he is dating his girlfriend Jillian, he decides to go with Meg to the prom. At the prom, Brian gets drunk to get the night over, and ends up making out with Meg. Meg begins to think of Brian as her "Boyfriend" (even though he is of a different species) and begins to spend every moment with him. In the mean time, Peter, Quagmire and Cleaveland decide to join the Police Force.

Stewie reunites with his old flame Olivia and the two decide to get married. However, their relationship soon begins to dull out. Meanwhile, after Lois introduces Peter to "chick flicks" he decides to make his own.

When Lois starts teaching sex-ed at Chris' school, parents become upset with her uncomfortable honesty. She is replaced with a conservative christian who has all of the condoms removed from James Woods High, but the kids find an interesting loophole. Meanwhile, Stewie sets up a trap to destroy the Tooth Fairy after he loses his first tooth.

When Peter gets injured on the job his boss finds out he's been falling behind; Lois goes down there to help him speed things up. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to get Brian to dump his new beautiful but not so intelligent girlfriend.

When Chris is asked to join the military, Brian is outraged, and heads down to the recruiting office to speak his mind. Once there, Stewie is swindled into signing him and Brian into the military. They are shipped to Iraq, where they desperately try to get honorably discharged in any way possible. Meanwhile, back in Quahog, Chris joins a Goth band.

Everyone is uncomfortable when a heat wave strikes Quahog. To make matters worse, a big box store (a - la Wal-Mart) sets up a new division in Quahog, which runs every other store out of business. Including the brewery. At first, Peter rallies up a gang to go against the the corporation, but once he enters inside the air-conditioned heaven he ends up getting a job there with Meg as his boss. Meanwhile, a car salesman talks Peter into buying a tank (yes, a tank) instead of car for Meg, which Brian and Stewie use to their advantage to take the big corporation down.

Peter's mother divorces his dad and begins dating Quahog anchorman Tom Tucker, who becomes Peter's new father figure. Meanwhile, Brian gets his own radio show and Stewie can't help but stir things up.

After Rupert is violently ripped to shreds by a stray dog, Lois sows him back together. Grateful for saving his beloved teddy, Stewie becomes obsessed with spending time with her. At first Lois loves all the loving attention, but after time all his love wears her out. Meanwhile, Peter files a lawsuit on the local doctor after he misinterprets his prostate exam.

When there's a stir downstairs in the middle of the night, the family runs into Peter's panic room to escape the robbers. Now trapped inside until they are rescued, Peter tells the story of the Griffin family name. Starting all the way back to the caveman era, to his black slave ancestry. Meanwhile, the family chooses Meg (big surprise) to sneak out of the panic room and alert the police.

When Peter tries to build a multiplex in their backyard in order to top Joe's new home theater system, he discovers an ancient Indian burial ground. The family warns him not to mess with any of the grounds ancient remains, but Peter does not fall into the superstition and takes out the Indian chief's skull. The house soon shows signs of being haunted, and when Stewie gets sucked into the TV, they are sure of it. However, this is only the beginning of their problems.

When Brian's gay cousin Jasper announces he's engaged, Brian suggests they get married right in the Griffin's house. However, when Mayor West bans gay marriage in Quahog, Brian desperately tries to change his decision; turning to Lois for support, who is not sure about her feelings on gay marriage. Meanwhile, Chris joins an extremist "Young Republicans" group to impress a girl.

After reading an erotic novel, Peter begins to think he could write a half-decent one. Which he does. But in order to publish it, he'll need Lois' father, Carter, to put down some cash. Which he does. But when a man crashes his car while listening to "Peterotica- On Cassette" Carter is sued for every penny he has, and is forced to move in with the Griffin's. Now Peter must help his regain his former wealth. Meanwhile, Stewie trains for the Olympics. Which is not gay!

After Brian gets a $400 parking ticket, he realizes that Mayor West is a money scamming corrupt Mayor, and sets out to expose the truth. However, Meg, Mayor Wests new more than personal assistant, is dead set against it. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois decide to write songs to perform at Chris' talent show. They break out the marijuana for some "inspiration".

After a pregnancy scare, Lois convinces Peter to get a vasectomy. Just in case they wanted to have more children, Peter goes to a sperm bank to preserve his sperm. But in a mishap, Peter breaks all the jars and fills them up with his own sperm. Thus, creating Stewie's half-brother and rival Bertram when a lesbian couple decide they want a baby. Meanwhile, Stewie takes his place as king of the playground but when Betram shows up he must defend his terf.

Peter goes on a game show and wins a maid for a week. When the week is finally to an end, Peter decides to make the most of it by inviting the guys over to make the biggest mess ever! But when Quagmire lay's eye's on this beauty, he immediatly falls in love. After a few dates he even asks her to marry him, and she says yes. But at the wedding party he see's Lois and realize's he has made a terrible mistake. But when he tries to break things off, Joan threatens to kill herself. How will he get out of the marriage now? Meanwhile, Lois tries to ween Stewie, and he realizes he's addicted to breast milk.

After accidentally showing Tom Brady his stuff, Peter is offered to join the New England Patriots football team. Peter turns out to be an MVP of sorts, and everything is going well until his new founded fame goes to his head. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes a sports bookie, and when Brian does pay up, Stewie brings the pain.

After a near-death experience, Brian takes a new lease on life. He finds his niche in singing, and lands a nightly gig with Frank Sinatra Jr.. But he begins to take his new lifestyle a little too far. Meanwhile, Meg begins to question her sexuality in order to impress some new friends.

When Grandpa Griffin comes for a visit, he, as usual, tries to impose his religious beliefs on the family. This causes Peter to search for a new religion, his own religion. Of course, he turns to his idol: the Fonz, and establishes a Church of the Fonz, which proves to be a bigger success then they could ever have imagined. Meanwhile, a mishap puts Stewie living in a bubble.

A physical confirms what Peter and Lois have been fearing all along: Peter is too fat. Instead of trying to get skinny, Peter creates the NAAFP, an advocacy group for the advancement of fat people. Meanwhile, after Lois finds an old picture, she discovers she has a long-lost brother, Patrick. It turns out that Patrick is in a nut house, but Lois gets him out. However, Patrick's hatred of fat people makes him a suspect when a bunch a fat men turn up dead.

When Stewie realizes he has been wasting his time, and losing his main objective to kill Lois, he once again begins to scheme up plots. His preschool teacher shows Lois drawings he made of him killing her, but the teacher and Lois don't notice. All they see is that Peter isn't in any of them. So Peter and Stewie begin spending time together, but nothing is bringing them closer. Until Peter realizes that Stewie enjoys seeing Lois in pain. Stewie and Peter grow very close because of this interest and things get out of hand. When Lois punishes Stewie and Peter does nothing about it, Stewie turns on Peter. In order to make up, Peter takes Stewie to Disney Land, where things get crazy. Meanwhile, In order to pay off a broken window, Chris begins to spend more time with Herbert (the creepy old guy). Only hilarity can come from this.

When Brian loses the job of his dreams because he never finished college, he decides to go back. Stewie tags along. As Brian struggles to pass his classes, Stewie enjoys the college lifestyle. Meanwhile, back at home, the gang takes winning the A-Team costume contest a little too far.

After a controversial mishap occurs on TV, the FCC decides to step in and take charge by censoring ANYTHING remotely "unappropriate". This ticks Peter off to the highest extent, so he creates his own TV broadcasting station. When things get out of hand, Lois betrays Peter and calls the FCC who come and begin to censor real life! Soon the whole family is sick of them, now how do they get rid of them?

When Chris has trouble getting adjusted to life as a high school freshman, he runs off and joins the Peace Core, who sends him far away to and island filled with helpless natives. He quickly adjusts, and ends up getting married! Meanwhile, back at home, Peter gets demoted at his new job at the brewery after getting drunk on the job.

Peter and the gang travel to a dangerous area in order to catch more fish, and a giant tsunami destroys their boat. The gang is stranded for months on an island, until a cruise ship eventually spots them. Back at home, things have changed. Lois has gotten remarried...to Brian.

In order to impress his new, black, girlfriend, Brian suggests that the school board should rename James Woods High School in honor to Martin Luther King Jr.. In order to stop this, Peter flys out James Woods, and they end up becoming great friends. Brian, upset that Peter ruined his plans, refuses to talk to Peter. And Peter, upset that Brian cares more about his new girlfriend than him, refuses to talk to Brian.

When her old room brings back old memories, Lois begins to get fed up with the fact that her father never let her take chances. So she decides to relive her old dream of becoming a model. Success comes easy...especially with the over use of dieting pills. All of this brings a new look and attitude, neither of which are healthy. Peter realizes that he will need to team up with Mr. Pewedersmhidt to snap Lois out of it.

When Lois feels her life lacks excitement, she begins to steal in order to bring some of it back. However, she takes her kleptomania a little too far, and ends up in jail. Back at home, everything begins to fall apart, so the family decides to break Lois out of jail. They make the escape, and start a new life in "Asian Town". However, it is not too long before they are found.

When Peter over-runs his tab at Goldmans Pharmacy, he signs Meg over to Mort Goldman so his son Neil can finally have Meg. Meg of course rejects, but it turns out Neil has already gotten over Meg and found a new girlfriend. After a while Meg gets jealous and steals Neil "back". But after a while Meg realises she never really liked Neil, and now she must find a way out of the contract. Meanwhile, Stewie gets a new "hot" babysitter who he tries to impress. But things go wrong when her boyfriend shows up.

In order to get Cleveland "back on the prowl", the gang takes him to "the Bachelorette" screening auditions. Thanks to Peter, Cleveland doesn't get on the show, but Brian and Quagmire do. Although Brian is at first precautios about it being a T.V. show, he eventually falls for the girl (Brooke), and ends up in the final 2 with Quagmire. Things start to go wrong when the final 2 have to bring Brooke to dinner with their families. Meanwhile, Chris is controlled by an evil pimple.

After Peter wins a game of Trivial Pursuit, he is convinced he is a genius. Brian tries to bring him down to earth by telling him to take the MacArthur Genius test. Not only does the test prove he's not a genius, but it turns out he is mentally challenged. He has a good time taking advantage of this, until he puts Lois in the hospital and the kids are taken from him.

When Peter and Brian walk in on Loretta and Quagmire, they feel they owe it to Cleveland to tell him. When Cleveland confronts Loretta about it, she actually kicks him out! Although, Cleveland doesn't seem phased by any of this. But, with a little motivation from Peter, Cleveland becomes furious...and goes to kill Quagmire.

When Meg gets turned down by yet another guy, she begins to feel sorry for herself. In order to cheer her up, Lois takes her to the mall for a makeover. Meanwhile, Peter puts a band together consisting of him, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire. They aren't very successful, until Meg with her shows up with her new look.

After Mort bowls a perfect game, and Quagmire earns a key to the city after saving a young lady, Peter begins to feel that he has not accomplished much in his life. To make amend for this, he decides to set the record for most nickels eaten. However, one to many nickels leaves him blind.

After Chris' teacher quits, Brian fills in as his new teacher. All is well at first, until he is moved down to the intermediate class where the troubled kids wear him down to his last nerve. Meanwhile, Chris crushes on his new, hot, teacher. And she tells him that in order to be with her, he has to kill her husband.

When Peter crashes the car on the way to their second honeymoon, he is determined to make it up to Lois. He ends up posing as Mel Gibson to use his private room at a new hotel, and once there they discover a secret upcoming movie: "The Passion of Christ 2". In order to save the world from viewing another Passion movie, Peter steals the film. Meanwhile, back at home, Stewie and Brian pose as parents. And Chris gets falsely accused for drinking at a school dance.

When Peter loses a big amount of money on an insurance scam, he decides he needs a Jewish man to control his money. Coincidentally, one happens to have car problems in front of his house. The Jewish man does great, and saves Peter a lot of money. This makes Peter decide that in order to be successful in life, Chris needs to become Jewish. Instead of studying hard, Peter takes Chris to Las Vegas for a Vegas Bar Mitzvah.

This episode was a special episode, divided up into 3 different stories apparently submitted by viewers. The story lines were different from any others in the series, and had no effect on it. The episode was hosted by Stewie and Brian.

Li'l Griffins: In the first Li'l Rascal styled segment, the boys are anti-girl, until they meet Lois who says that she likes a brave man. In order to prove to her who is the bravest, they try to stake it out overnight in a haunted house.

No Bones About It: Peter opens a bottle of beer and a Genie bursts out, telling him he has 3 wishes. In order to escape being beaten up, for his last wish, he wishes he had no bones. He escapes from the beating, but becomes a big strain on the family.

Super Griffins: When the Griffin's are hit with radioactive waste, the each gain a super power. At first the vow to use their powers only for good, but it quickly goes to their heads.

When Stewie begins to believe that he will never be able to achieve anything if he stays where he is now, he runs off to live on "Jolly Farm", a place of make believe on a TV show in England. Brian goes to the airport in an attempt to stop him, and makes it on the plane, which takes off before he can get Stewie off. However, when they get off the plane they realize they are not in England, but in Saudi Arabia. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois travel to KISS-stock where she embarrasses herself and Peter by messing up the lyrics to a KISS song during the concert.

Lois sneaks around Peter in order to meet with an old boyfriend, in fear Peter will be overly jealous over nothing. But, when Peter sees her with another man, the truth comes out, and Lois suggests they enter marriage counselor. The counselor suggests the spend some time apart, and date other people. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian get accidentally super glued together at the hand, and must remain that way for a week.

Peter and Lois find it hard to understand a family of nudists they meet, and forbid Meg to see their son who actually likes her. Meanwhile, Stewie enrolls in an acting school, and must team up with his enemy Olivia in order to stay.

As punishment for DUI, Brian must spend a few hours each week working for an old lady who refuses to leave her house. After a few days he can't take it anymore and tells her the world would be better off without her. However, when he gets home he sees a documentary on her, and finds out that she was once a very talented Opera singer. Meanwhile, Peter becomes attached to three baby birds who find a home in his beard.

Lois is overly excited about Christmas time, but everything is going wrong. Peter delivers all of the presents to Toys for Toddlers instead of just one, Brian almost burns down the house destroying everything, and worst of all, they're out of paper towels! All of this together drives Lois mad, and she runs away from home towards the center of Quahog where she plans to destroy the star at the top of the big tree. Meanwhile, Stewie struggles to understand how and why Santa Clause can watch all children 24/7.

Peter helps Joe raise his spirits by helping him train for the Special Olympics. But when Peter fears Joe doesn't have what it takes, and puts steroids in Joe's drink. However, when Joe wins he moves on to better things, and Peter begins to feel left behind. Meanwhile, Meg, Chris, and Stewie fight over who gets to keep a money clip of twenty-six dollars they found.

When Peter finds out that he had black ancestry who was owned by the Pweterscmidts, he tries to get in touch with his African American side. However, when he receives a forgiveness check and uses the money all for himself, he becomes hated by the black and white community. Meanwhile, Stewie goes undercover as a Cheerleader to harness the mind control powers of their pyramid.

Brian goes with the Griffin's to the Pewterschmidts to clear his head after his sexual urges begin to get the better of him. Meanwhile, Peter finally begins to impress Mr. Pewterschmidt, and they become a sort of friends. But, when Brian knocks up his prize dog Sea Breeze, Mr. Pewterschmidt refuses to let Brian see her anymore. So they run away, destroying Peter and Mr. Pewterschmidt's relationship, and putting a riff between Peter and Brian.

When Chris witnesses a robbery, the FBI sends the Griffin's into the witness protection program in the South. Once there, Chris befriends a boy named Sam. Meanwhile, Peter pisses off the Southerners during a Civil War Reenactment, and Chris becomes greatly confused when Sam kisses him. Back at home, one of the FBI agents accidentally lets the Griffin's location out, and the robber comes looking for them.

When Peter and Lois witnesses the miracle of birth; it persuades them to have another baby of their own, making Stewie fear that the new baby will take his place. After many failed attempts to prevent conception, Stewie shrinks himself down to microscopic size, and travels into Peter's body in order to eliminate all his sperm. But once inside, he meets his future brother, who shares his same hate for Lois.

Now overweight and still unemployed, Peter chooses Fishing as his new career. But when the pickings are slim, Peter puts his house in debt to buy a boat he can use to hunt Daggermouth, a famous fish which would earn him a lot of cash. Meanwhile, Lois takes Meg to spring break and teaches her how to have a good time, a little too well.

When Mr. Weed dies, the toy factory shuts down, and Peter is out of a job. Now with the chance, Peter decides to fulfill his dream to become a Knight at the Renaissance Fair. However, when his role model the Black Knight turns out to be a jerk, Peter becomes discouraged.

Meg goes for an internship at Quahog News 5 in order to get closer to her crush, Tom Tucker. Unfortunately for her, Neil Goldman landed the other spot. When stuck in a life threatening situation, Meg kisses him so she won't die without having her first kiss, and it's broad casted to the entire world, making everyone think their a couple. Meg, in retaliation, broadcasts a segment about how gross Neil is, sending him to the top of city hall...threatening to jump. Meanwhile, Stewie plans an attack on the neighborhood bully after his tricycle is stolen.

It's fall, and the New Yorkers are invading Quahog to watch the leaves turn color, driving everyone crazy. Lois, on the other hand, is being driven crazy by the lack of respect from her family, especially Peter. She takes up tae-jitsu in order to become more assertive, and it just so happens she's a pretty quick learner. Peter uses her new found talent in order to get rid of the New Yorkers, which only makes matters worse, and sends the family into an all out war...literally.

Peter plans a last minute scavenger hunt to keep Lois busy on their anniversary so he can play golf. But while there, he is struck by lightening and Death returns once again. However, he is not dead, but in limbo. Death shows him his past and future, and tells him that if he doesn't change his ways, Lois will leave him soon. Peter demands Death help him find out how he can avoid the divorce, for in return, Peter will him score a date with the Pet Store lady.

Peter questions his masculinity when he finds out Chris has a bigger penis than him. In order to feel 'bigger', he joins a gun club and tries to avoid Chris, making him think his father doesn't like him anymore. Meanwhile, Meg joins the flag girl team at school and believes she is now as popular as the cheerleaders. However, when the humiliate her in public, Lois helps her plan revenge.

When a hurricane hits Quahog, Horace sells the Drunken Clam and moves to Florida. But, the new British owner, Nigel, turns it into a British Pub. The gang, furious at the changes, retaliates against the new ownership. And in revenge, Nigel frames them sending them off to jail, and tries to win Lois over in the meantime. Now it's up to the girls to get them out. Meanwhile, under a bet with Brian, Stewie must teach Nigel's daughter to lose her British accent before her birthday party.

When a cigarette company takes over Happy-Go-Lucky-Toy Factory, Peter is made President of the company. They send him off to Washington in order to put a stop to a bill that would prevent them from putting out toys that are making little kids want to smoke. At first he is for it, but when he finds Stewie smoking, he must choose between his job and what is right.

To clear his head, Brian moves to Hollywood to become a successful writer. However, success is no easy task, and Brian can't seem to catch a break. He eventually does...directing porn. When the family tells him they are coming up to visit, he refuses to let them on the set, in fear they will be ashamed of him. Which leads them to believe he is now a snotty Hollywood big shot. Meanwhile, Stewie lands a part of "Kid's Say the Darnedest Things", and plans to use his hypnotizer to hypnotize the whole world on national television.

Brian takes up a job as a drug-sniffing dog for the Quahog police department in order to put some excitement in his life, and is very successful at it. However, a little too much sniffing puts him in rehab, and the Griffin's must put off their vacation in order to pay for it. But Peter isn't about to give up vacation that easily, and pretends to be an addict in order to stay at the beautiful rehab center. When Peter gets Brian into trouble, a counselor suggests that he may be the root of Brian's troubles. And Brian realizes he may need some extended time away from home...

When Peter realizes that Chris isn't the model son, he becomes a father figure for the hyped up Cleveland Jr., who is incredibly good at golf, making Chris jealous. Looking for a new father figure, Chris turns to Quagmire, who isn't exactly father of the year. Meanwhile, in order to get back at Stewie for destroying his 1st edition books, Brian tells Stewie that his injection at the doctors is actually a mind control method.

When Peter and Brian win a trip to the brewery factory, he comes home drunk. Meanwhile, Lois is desperate to find a piano student who can play well enough to win the competition. A drunken Peter goes up to bat, and surprisingly is a brilliant pianist...when he's drunk. This puts Lois between a rock and a hard place, as she wants to win the competition, but making Peter get drunk frequently is unhealthy. Now she must pick between the two.

When Meg needs extracurricular activities to get into Brown, she joins the school paper. After an interview with Mayor West, she finds out he is wasting millions of the tax payers dollars on nonsense, and writes a moving article. However, Peter feels that the article is boring, and writes a fake one about Luke Perry being gay. But when Perry threatens to sue, Peter tries to get false evidence of him really being gay.

When Peter discovers that their house is not part of Quahog, or even the United States, he forms his own country: Petoria. However when he feels that he is not being respected as a country, he invades Joe's pool. This worries the US, and they stage a war with Petoria, cutting the Griffin's off from heat, water, and electricity. Lois and the kids abandon Petoria, while Peter is stubborn and calls in support from other countries.

When Chris wants to loose weight, Peter offers to help, however when working out doesn't seem to work, Cleveland suggests liposuction. Chris isn't into the idea, while Peter becomes addicted to it. Meanwhile, Stewie's plan to make Chris feel bad about his weight backfires, and he becomes incredibly fat himself.

When Lois realizes that the family can't survive with just one car she drags Peter out to buy a second one, but he goes for quantity instead of quality and they end up with a piece of junk. He can't take it back, but when gets an offer from the mob to steal his crappy car so he can get insurance to pay for another one, he takes them up on it. However, soon after, the mob comes looking for a favor in return. The Don requests that Peter take his obnoxious nephew, Big Fat Paulie, out to the movies. But the movies isn't enough for Big Fat Paulie, and he ends up coming home with Peter for dinner. When Lois refuses to let Peter befriend him, he tells Big Fat Paulie, and taking it the wrong way he puts a mob hit on Lois. Before Peter can call off the hit, Paulie is killed, and Peter and Lois must have to go ask the Don to call off the hit as a favor on the day of his daughter's wedding.

Lois enroles Stewie in a day care program when she begins to think he is not spending enough time with kids his own age. At first Stewie hates the idea, but once in the day care he falls in love with a girl named Janet. Meanwhile, Lois takes up a job as a flight attendant in order to keep her busy. However, after a few days Lois realizes she hates the job, but Peter makes her stay secretly because he has been getting free flights to wherever he wants. They eventually end up on the same flight, and Lois realizes what Peter's been up to. To make matters worse, the flight gets hijacked.

A plane smuggling in toads from Colombia crashes near Quahog, and toad-licking becomes the popular new drug of choice for the students of James Woods High. After Lois finds one in Megs pants pocket, Peter meets with the principal with the suggestion that he go under cover as a student in order to convince all the kids to stop licking toads. It works, and Peter ends up becoming one of the most popular kids in school. Meg gets Peter to go with her to the dance, hoping this will make her popular, but the popularity goes to Peter's head and he dumps Meg for Connie, the most popular girl at school.

Brian offers to pick Stewie up from visiting the Pwedersmchidts in Palm Springs, but Brian gets drunk at the airport and they miss their flight home. During their car-stealing, train-hopping, hitch-hiking trip back to Rhode Island, they stop by Austin, Texas where Brian hopes to find his mother and deal with the fact that he was abandoned. However, at the farm, they find out that she died years ago and was stuffed; now being used as an end table. Brian steals her from the farm owner, in order to give her a proper burial. Now, they must find their way back home. Meanwhile, Lois makes Peter watch relationship communication videos which he begins to enjoy after they turn out to be pornography. And Chris bothers Meg with a stupid word guessing game.

Meg sets her family up on a talk show after they embarrass her during a slumber party. However, their wacky antics are seen on live television, and a network executive thinks they would make great reality TV. He gets Peter to sign a contract, that will make their lives a reality TV show called "the Real Live Griffin's". After a few days Meg can't stand it anymore, and quits the show, moving in with the neighbors. She is replaced with a 'perky' blond girl, who steals the spotlight from the rest of the family, making them realize how dumb the whole situation really is. The entire family is re-cast, and forced to move into a motel.

Chris paints an original painting for Peter for his birthday, and Peter uses it to cover a hole in the window in his car. When a real artist spots it, he offers Peter 1,000 dollars for it, and suggests the family come to New York where Chris could become a real artist. However, at the gallery managers request, Chris must never speak to his father again, which Peter doesn't take lightly. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes the new Calvin Klein baby underwear model.

With the schools best interest in mind, Lois runs for school board unopposed. However, when Peter discovers that Lois agree's with the firing of his favorite teacher, he jumps in the race. In order to win, Peter spreads around a dirty picture of her, and he begins to pull ahead in the race, eventually winning. Meanwhile, Chris gets busted for peeping in the girls locker room, so Peter gives him some dirty magazines to look at instead of the real thing. However, when Chris gets busted with the magazines at school, Peter's reputation is nearly ruined. In order to get out of it, James Carville suggests Peter blame it on someone else...namely Lois.

When Peter's learns that his favorite show, Gumbel 2 Gumbel, has been canceled he schemes up a plot to trick 'The Make-A-Dream-Come-True' Foundation into making the network bring it back. He contacts them at says that his son Chris has the deadly disease 'tumorsyphillis-itis-osis', and that his last wish is for Gumbel 2 Gumbel to come back on the air. They grant his wish, but come back to check up on Chris, who has been "miraculously cured".The word of the Miracle spreads, and Peter becomes the "Miracle Healer" of Quahog, making God angry. Peter brushes it off at first, but when the Griffin's begin to experience mysterious plagues, Peter must find a way to make God happy before the final plague comes true.

After Peter tells an inappropriate joke at work, a woman takes it as sexual harassment, and reports him. As punishment, Peter must spend a week at a woman's camp in order to get in touch with his feminine side. However, the process works a little too well, and Peter becomes very sensitive and girly. At first Lois loves the new sensitive and caring Peter, but after Peter tries to breast feed Stewie, Lois realizes he is way past sensitive, and begins to miss the old Peter. However, she can't seem to snap him out of it.

After Lois inherits control over the Quahog players theater group, she decides to make her first production the play: "The King and I". Everything is going great until she gives Peter a pity part as the Producer to get him off her back, and he takes it too far, gaining complete control over the play, and turning the once masterpiece into a cyborg battle. Lois thinks that Peter will make a fool of himself when the play opens to the public, and that that will be her revenge on him, but the audience ends up loving it. Baffling Lois.

When Lois finds a lump on Peter's breast, he heads to the doctors fearing the worst. He comes out clean, but the bill is huge. In order to avoid paying, Peter writes that he is dead. Death gets a copy of his form, and thinking he is really dead, comes to collect. Peter makes a run for it, and Death sprains his ankle chasing after him. The Griffin's take him in, hoping their kindness will persuade him not to take Peter. However, when Peter learns that since Death is hurt the rules of death no longer apply; he goes out jumping off buildings and shooting himself. The word quickly spreads, and Death tells Peter he'll let him live if he fills in for him until he recovers. In order to show the world the rules of death apply again, Death tells Peter he has to kill a popular group of kids, namely the stars of Dawson's Creek. While on the plane with them, Peter chickens out and accidentally kills the pilots sending the plane into the ground. Everyone inside comes out okay, and Death tells Peter that since the pilot's deaths made the news, everything is okay. He leaves the Griffins' with a promise to return soon.

Peter's idea to make the Quahog Harvest Day Parade's theme "Who's the Boss?" is accepted, and the neighborhood joins together to make the best float in the parade. However, when they win, everyones eyes are on the trophy. They finally decide to have to have it on top of the float which is planted in the center of the block. But, when the trophy disappears one morning the neighborhood literally goes to war. Meanwhile, in order to make more tips at the local diner so she can buy a "prodabag", Meg tells the customers that Stewie is her crack addicted baby whose father won't pay child support. The plan backfires when Stewie becomes addicted to pancakes and a child services lady comes to see how his home life is, and sees the neighborhood at war. They take him away, and the neighborhood must now set apart their differences to save him.

When mysterious urine stains begin appearing around the Griffin house, Brian blames Stewie. This makes Lois believe Stewie is ready to be potty-trained. Outraged at being falsely accused, Stewie refuses to be trained. After a mishap a the grocery store, it becomes aware that Brian is actually the carpet wetter, and Stewie has no trouble rubbing it in. Brian then goes to see his psychologist, who tells him that he is in love...with Lois.

Peter is warned by a Giant Chicken that the world is going to end at midnight. So he traps his entire family in the basement, where they actually do survive a nuclear holocaust. In order to survive in the new world, the Griffin's travel to a Natick, where they believe there could be a twinky factory. When they get their, they realize they were correct, and start a new town called "New Quahog" with Peter as the mayor. However, after everyone realizes Peter is a lousy Mayor, they kick the Griffin's out of town. Meanwhile, on the way there, Stewie falls in some radioactive waste, which mutates him into an octopus creature.

After Peter's super-religious, workaholic dad is forced to retire from his job at the mill, he moves in with the Griffin's. Peter thinks this is a perfect time to get to know his father better, and make him proud. However, nothing he does seems to interest his father who just wants to work. So Peter gets him a job at the Toy Factory, and after just one day is father is promoted. He is now working the entire staff to the bone, and Peter can't take it. In a final, desperate attempt to make him proud, Peter kidnaps his idol: the Pope.

When Lois' aunt unexpectedly dies, the Griffin's are surprised to learn that she left them her large mansion. As a surprise, Peter sells their current home in Quahog so that they can permanently move to the mansion, and pay to keep the staff. At first, the family is hesitant on this decision, but after a song from Peter they are bought. But soon, Peter realizes he doesn't fit in with the wealthy people around him, and asks Brian to help him become one of them. The change works perfectly, but a little too perfectly. Lois misses the old Peter who wasn't just another snobby rich guy, and Peter bids ten million dollars he doesn't have at an auction.

The summer heat is unbearable and Peter enters Brian in a dog show in order to win some extra money for a new air conditioner. At first Brian reluctantly agrees for the better of the family, but once at the dog show Brian can not go on with being treated like a "dog", humiliating Peter and causing a rife between them. The fighting escalates so far that Brian runs away from home back out onto the street where Peter first found him. Out on the streets Brian's dog instincts get the better of him and he gets arrested, sentenced to death. Peter puts the fighting aside and studies hard to get Brian out of jail, realizing the family needs him.

Chris hates the Youth Scouts and decides to quit, but he is too ashamed to tell Peter why so he says that he was kicked out. A furious Peter packs up the family planning to go to New York in order to get Chris back in the scouts, but a wrong turn takes them to a Native Indian Casino where Lois becomes addicted to the slots and ends up loosing the car to the owners. In order to get it back Peter and Chris must go on a "spiritual quest" into the woods, where Peter gets some advice from the Fonz.

When Peter injures the star player on the company softball team he must find a replacement. While visiting the new neighbors, Joe and Bonnie, Peter learns that Joe is extremely good at baseball and asks that he play. But when Joe shows up at the game, Peter finds out that he is paralized from the waste down. Peter assumes this will mean Joe will be uncabable of doing a lot of things, and that people will feel sorry for him. But his world is shaken when Joe turns out to be very capable of doing everything in his wheelchair, and he becomes the talk of the town. This makes Peter jealous, and so he decides he must one-up him...by stopping a bank robbery. Meanwhile, Meg tries to impress the new neighbor's son, and Stewie tries to uncover the mystery of the wheelchair.

Peter gets a little too worked up at one of Chris' soccer games and ends up punching a pregnant woman who appeared to be a man. He is put under house arrest, and while Lois assumes Peter will use this time to help out around the house and be with her, he decides to build a bar in their basement for all his buddies. But the plan backfires when Lois becomes a very popular (and sexy) lounge singer. Making Peter jealous. Meanwhile, Stewie composes a time machine in order to fast forward through his painful teething.

When Peter loses Stewie's 1st birthday party reservations at the hottest place in Quahog a furious Lois demands an explanation, and he tells her that he has a better party planned. Peter now has to plan a fantastic party within a couple of hours, and plans to steal the circus in order to do so. To make matters worse, Peter allows Meg to go to her new friends party, which unbeknownst to her is actually a cult mass suicide. Meanwhile, Stewie believes that the point of the birthday is for the man in white who delivered him at the hospital to come back and put him back in the womb, and plans to eliminate him first.

Meg is now 16 and Peter must reluctantly give up TV-time to teach her to drive. His teaching skills aren't exactly brushed up, and Meg unsurprisingly fails her test. On the way home Peter is too distracted by the TV in other people's windows that he crashes the car into the local cable satellite. When angry cable-less locals confront him about it, he blames the whole thing on Meg (promising her a convertible if she keeps quiet). Meg is now the outcast of the town, and a TV-less Peter now decides to spend more time with his family; which isn't as great for them as they had thought. Meanwhile, Stewie refuses to eat broccoli and plans to turn the broken cable satellite into a weather control device in order to wipe it all out.

After promising not to, Peter gets drunk at a stag party, and ends up sleeping on the kitchen table. The next day at work, Peter is too tired to work the assembly line, and falls asleep on the job; letting some dangerous toys slip through. He gets fired, and after a few days unemployed, he files for welfare. However, his first check is for $150,000...a week. He goes on a spending binge, and tells Lois that he got a big raise. But when she finds out it's the taxpayers money, she demands he return it. Peter chooses to do this in his own way, by dumping it out of a blimp over the Super Bowl. But when he is arrested, his family must come to the rescue.

Stewey beats up Brian over a gambling debt.