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Alan attempts to solve thinning hair in cheapskate fashion. Chelsea reveals Charlie hasn't been pleasing her sexually as much as he thinks.

While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.

Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.

Charlie kicks Alan out after he suggests that Chelsea get breast reduction surgery.

Jake refuses to stay with Charlie and Alan after they embarrass him in public.

Alan starts working for Evelyn. Charlie tries to close the rift between Chelsea and Jake.

Alan cares for Judith's child and his ex-mother-in-law. A photo Charlie would rather be kept private provides Jake with a chance to blackmail him.

Girls rule the roost after Charlie consents to Chelsea's desire to allow Alan's girlfriend, Melissa, to move in with them.

Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.

Charlie starts to question his relationship with Chelsea when he hears that Mia is back in town. Meanwhile, Judith goes into labor and Charlie, Alan and Herb rush her to the hospital, on the sixth season finale.

Alan and Chelsea become best buds, and Charlie decides to take advantage of the situation.

Charlie reluctantly agrees to let Chelsea move in as he mourns the loss of his bachelor pad. Meanwhile, Alan finds that there's not much space left for him in the house.

Alan lets Chelsea fix him up on a blind date with one of her friends—Rose.

Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.

Chelsea's discovery of naked pictures of another woman on Charlie's iPhone leads to his swapping stories of sexual experiences during a drunken night with Alan, Herb, and Jerome.

Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also wants to run away from the situation.

Charlie declares his love to Chelsea (Jennifer Taylor), but he isn't prepared for the response he receives.

With Chelsea soon to arrive, Charlie must find a way to get a half-naked date out of his bedroom

Charlie finds himself in couples counseling.

Feeling Alan's underappreciated by his family, Melissa offers him the chance to live with her and her mother.

Judith is pregnant with a baby girl and Alan is convinced that he is the father. Meanwhile, Jake is in a contentious mood and Charlie thinks he knows why.

Charlie and Jake fight for the affections of a waitress, while Alan fights sexual tension with his receptionist.

When Charlie's old friend and fellow womanizer (Emilio Estevez) dies, Charlie takes a hard look at his own lifestyle. James Earl Jones has a cameo.

Alan contemplates retiring when Evelyn states that she'll take care of Jake's college education.

Jake disappears with the daughter of Charlie's neighbor, a former NFL player, and Charlie is left to cover his back.

Charlie’s new girlfriend asks him to spend the night at her place, while Alan tries to enforce a punishment on Jake.

After sleeping with Judith when she and Herb separated, Alan decides he can't rush in to anything serious with her again and meets her for dinner to make that clear. However, desperate not to end up an old maid, Judith seduce Alan and they end up hooking up again. Meanwhile, Herb tries to make the best of his separation from Judith and continues hanging around with Charlie.

When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking.

Discovering Miss Pasternak, Jake's former 5th-grade teacher, turned to stripping after her fling with Charlie, he tries to help her turn her life around.

Charlie romances Alan's sweet receptionist as Alan anxiously awaits disaster.

Charlie tries cooking, Alan tries dating two women at the same time and Jake tries beer.

Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money.

Charlie runs into a former girlfriend who's so looks a lot like he does.

Charlie tries to resist temptation when he meets the grown daughter of the woman he's dating and realizes they've met before.

Charlie finds himself drawn to an older author of self help books, while Alan and Jake are fighting over a assignment for school.

This is a CSI and Two & A Half Men crossover episode whereas the writers of CSI wrote this episode and the writers of Two & a Half Men wrote there half hour portion of the episode which airs in CSI time slot.

Grissom and the CSI team become involved in the world of Hollywood comedy when a diva sitcom star meets an untimely demise while filming her show in Las Vegas.

Alan plans Evelyn's wedding while Charlie pursues his future step-sister.

Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing has gone too far.

As Charlie and Jake set up a double date, Charlie arranges for Alan to accompany a prostitute on his date.

Alan goes on a date with an old friend of Judith's, who spends the night gossiping about Judith's past sex life.

A sick Charlie receives unique nursing from Rose, as she returns from England.

Charlie teaches Alan the finer points on breaking up with a female.

Alan sets out to get Charlie back when he learns that Charlie stole his high school girlfriend from him.

Charlie must fight his new found attraction to Teddy's daughter.

Charlie discovers he may have a new career as a children's singing star.

Charlie and Alan fight over Alan's place in the household, leading Alan and Jake to move in to Evelyn's.

Charlie is annoyed when his girlfriend is embarassed to be around him in public. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to go to a concert despite Alan forbidding him to do so.

Charlie has to entertain his girlfriend's 4-year-old son. Meanwhile, Alan becomes a human guinea pig.

Charlie nearly consummates his relationship with Linda, but when he sees Rose's face everywhere, he's unable to.

After going out with too many bimbos, Charlie lets Alan set him up with a woman his own age.

Both Charlie and Alan have odd reactions to their respective nights -- Charlie spends an evening with his mother and Alan is given a weird response after having sex with his date.

Charlie and Alan try to get Jake ready for his first day of junior high, but end up doing more harm than good.

Charlie and Alan must confront their "daddy issues" when Evelyn's new boyfriend invites them to Vegas on his private jet.

Charlie loses a girl to a young, handsome handyman (Grammy Award winning recording artist Enrique Iglesias), who is working at his house.

Jake comes into a windfall when Charlie takes him to the track, and Alan is stuck in that special hell known as the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Alan befriends Greg, a gay single dad, causing Alan and Charlie to re-examine their own sexual identities. Meanwhile, Jake has a crush on Greg's daughter, Sophie.

Alan prepares Jake for Judith's wedding, while Charlie continues his fling with Herb's sister.

As Judith's and Herb's wedding nears, Charlie gets close to Herb's witty sister.

Realizing Jake's childhood is almost over, Alan makes a last minute attempt at father-son bonding.When Jake starts covering his walls with posters of sexy women, Alan feels pressure to make the most of what little childhood his son has left. Meanwhile, Kandi embarks on a new career as an actress.

When Evelyn expresses sympathy for a friend who had no mourners at her funeral, Alan and Charlie inform her that she's headed for the same fate. Instead of taking their comments as a motive to change, she cunningly makes them regret what they said.

Charlie becomes insecure about his age and wants to prove that he can still keep up with young people.

When Rose announces she is moving to London, Charlie must face his true feelings for her. Meanwhile, Alan tries online dating with unforeseen results. Rose's heartfelt attempt to tell Charlie that she's leaving for good falls on deaf ears. Meanwhile, Alan fudges his profile on an Internet dating service, attracting a fellow profile embellisher.

Charlie's new neighbor seems uncannily like Alan, which prompts Charlie to try and fix them up with the hope that they'll fall in love---and he'll get rid of Alan.

Alan confronts Judith when Jake mentions that he hears his mom and Herb having sex; Charlie discovers that he's repressed his own memory involving his mom and a sexual partner.

Charlie discovers that Alan has been secretly dating Berta's daughter and worries about how Berta will take the news, but he and Alan are taken by surprise by her uncharacteristic reaction.

On Christmas Eve, Charlie's lusty plans for his date are thwarted by guests who keep stopping by, especially Evelyn, who is determined to keep them apart for some unexplained reason.

Charlie's latest lover takes over his house and pushes Berta's buttons by treating her like a maid, and he is too influenced by sex to stop her. Meanwhile, Alan's distracted from trying to get Kandi to agree to sell their condo after she asks him for sex.

Alan's failure to ever pick up the check at dinner has Charlie at his wits end, especially after learning of his load of money he has stashed away.

Alan has insomnia but refuses to take pills, opting for a visit to his psychiatrist, who reveals that the cause is Alan's jealously of Charlie and his ability to glide through life.

Charlie goes with Berta to help her confront the man who impregnated her daughter, who comes to the house to help Berta clean. Meanwhile, Alan has an unusual fetish.

Charlie dates a woman whose personality is unbelievably similar to his mother's, and everyone sees it except Charlie.

When Judith announces she's remarrying, Charlie and Alan find themselves helping her fiancé get over his cold feet so that Alan will finally be free from paying alimony.

Alan is determined to gain custody of his and Kandi's dog after she walks away from their split with both the condo and the car. Having also lost everything to Judith following their divorce, Alan decides to hire the best lawyer he knows -- hers.

Charlie attempts to surf in order to impress a beautiful girl -- with disastrous results. He later tells Alan that when his life was hanging in the balance, their deceased father came to him and made a request that Charlie's loath to fulfill.

Alan feels guilty when he learns that Charlie and Mia didn't tie the knot because she had wanted him and Jake to move out. Meanwhile, Charlie and his rock star neighbor don't get along.

Alan wins $500,000 but then finds out Kandi does not love him. A month later Alan is back living with Charlie, who has gone back to the bachelor life. Now, Alan feels he is an all time failure, and no one can cheer him up.

Wedding bells loom as Charlie and Mia make wedding arrangements. But when their families meet, things immediately begin to fall apart. Rose takes the news of the engagement hard, and makes some interesting plans of her own. Additionally, there are questions as to where Alan and Jake will live after Charlie and Mia get married. Ultimately, Charlie and his bride-to-be end up deciding on a small ceremony in Vegas, where a wedding ultimately ensues.

When Charlie finds out that Mia is in town with her dance troupe and has invited him to her performance, he opts not to go and tries to convince Alan (and himself) that he's over her. After surprising Alan (and himself) by showing up, Charlie gets another surprise when Mia explains that she wants something personal from him -- his sperm. Shockingly, commitment-phobic Charlie responds by asking Mia for something as well.

When a cute girl from Jake's school invites him to a party, Charlie butts in on Alan's milestone moment with his son by offering his own words of wisdom on women. While Alan feels somewhat jealous that Charlie is taking over, he realizes that he also feels envious that his son is receiving some solid advice on scoring with women that he wishes his brother had once taught him.

Jake's teacher, Francine, calls in Alan and Judith to discuss Jake's lack of interest in school. Desperate to communicate with someone intelligent while continuing to see his air-headed girlfriend, Kandi, Alan falls for Francine -- in a platonic way. Meanwhile, Charlie helps Jake prepare his audition song for the school musical, which he was forced to try out for by Alan and Judith.

Alan is depressed that his hot young girlfriend, Kandi, has left him to go stay with his bitter ex-wife, Judith, who has brainwashed her against him. At the advice of Mandi, Kandi's mother, Alan goes to Judith's to try to win her back. Meanwhile, Kandi has set Judith up on a date with Andy, her father.

Charlie's not happy when he learns that Kandi has been living in sin with Alan in his house -- particularly since he himself has been having a dry spell with women. Things begin to look up for Charlie when Judith befriends Kandi, and a special visitor comes knocking on his door.

When Kandi's old car breaks down, Alan ends up leasing her a new one. Charlie warns him to break things off with her, but when Alan spends his last dime on Kandi's root canal and can't pay Judith's alimony, Charlie is forced to cover for him.

Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his cocky competitor, Archie. After devising a ploy to get him to attend, Alan, Evelyn and Jake accompany Charlie for support -- until they get to know Archie. Meanwhile, Rose talks Charlie into giving relationship advice to her new beau, Gordon.

Alan is having second thoughts about whether he should be dating a woman half his age and is mortified at the idea of introducing Kandi to Evelyn at Jake's birthday party. Meanwhile, Rose continues her passive-aggressive pursuit of Charlie by changing her boyfriend to look almost like an exact copy.

Charlie can't keep pace with the healthy lifestyle that Mia has introduced to their relationship, so he sneaks cigars and beers in the garage and enlists Rose to deliver burgers to him on the sly. When Mia busts him for lying, Charlie has to figure out if he's just whipped or truly in love.

Charlie plans a romantic date with Mia in the hopes of finally consummating their relationship, but his path to the promised land is blocked when she finds out that he hasn't told his former paramours that he's in a committed relationship. Meanwhile, Alan starts dating Kandi, Charlie's most recent ex-girlfriend, who is half his age.

No one believes Charlie when he says that his relationship with Mia is getting serious, and everyone really thinks he's lost it when he confesses that they have been dating for more than a month and haven't consummated the relationship. After a continuing series of chaste dates -- walking on the beach, visiting an art gallery, going bowling -- that end with Charlie frustrated at Mia's doorstep, he makes a proposal that threatens their burgeoning romance.

Charlie and Alan drop Jake off at a friend's house and head out for some sibling bonding at the movies, but their night is ruined when Alan freaks out after convincing himself that Jake was too eager to spend the weekend away from him. Recognizing that desperate times call for desperate measures, Charlie begins seeing a therapist, ostensibly to learn how to cope with his brother's ever-increasing emotional instability.

Just in time for Christmas, Alan falls for Sandy, the teacher of his cooking class, and before long, she moves into the house, fattens the guys up with gourmet meals, drives Berta crazy with housekeeping tips, and generally turns all of their lives upside down with her unnatural pursuit of perfection. Charlie warns Alan that she's a "nester" and needs to be stopped before they reach a point of no return. Sandy turns out to be crazy for Santa.

Charlie helps Alan cope with his lifelong obsession to get women's approval.

Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate the publication of a newspaper article that calls him a "good doctor, good neighbor and a good guy," but he's crushed when his mother, Evelyn, isn't impressed. After drowning his sorrow in many drinks, he has a life-changing epiphany and vows to a skeptical Charlie that he is no longer going to grovel for validation from his mother and the other women in his life.

* This episode was previously titled "Castration and Scallops"

Alan strikes up a friendship with Charlie's wealthy and amorous neighbor, Norma, only to find himself on the defensive as she puts on a full-court press to win his affections. Meanwhile, Charlie tries to dissuade Jake from donating money to a televangelist.

Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.

After his romantic overtures toward an attractive ballet teacher, Mia, are rejected, Charlie will stop at nothing to prove to Alan that he can persuade her to go out on a date with him. When he talks a reluctant Jake into taking her dance class to help his cause, his plan is derailed when Jake falls for her, too.

Charlie wakes up with Rose the morning after her birthday party. Her father (guest star and father of Charlie Sheen, Martin Sheen) comes to find out what Charlie plans for their future. But what happens when Evelyn shows up is very strange.

Alan dislikes Isabella, Charlie's latest flame. Their rocky start spirals into suspicion of satanic rituals before an unexpeced turn of events scare Isabella off.

Charlie figures out his commitment issues are because of his unresolved issues with his mother. Jake asks Charlie advice about a girl he likes at school.

Berta moves in with Charlie which causes Alan and Jake to move out when she starts butting in to things.

Charlie finds out that Alan has been seeing his ex-wife, which is the reason he hasn't been dating. Alan tells Charlie not to tell Jake because he doesn't want him to get his hopes up. Judith and Alan spend a day together at the house, but Jake keeps interrupting when they try to get sensual in the hot-tub. When they take it to the bedroom, Alan screws everything up for himself.

Jake gets suspended from school after he draws a picture of a girl in his class with huge breasts. Charlie is asked to watch over Alan's chiropractic office after pulling an all-nighter, while telling Charlie not to do anything but answer the phone. Charlie turns the place into a get rich quick scheme.

After Alan falls off a ladder, Charlie ends up watching over him and Jake, which proves to be a harder task than he thought.

Jake must read what he did over the weekend as an essay to the class. The weekend consists of Charlie unknowingly sleeping with an elderly man's trophy wife over the weekend.

After learning that Jake spent his whole Spring Break at his other grandparents, Evelyn pressures Alan to have Jack spend more time with her. Alan is worried she will screw him up, like she did to him and Charlie. He agrees, though, and drops him off at her house. Alan meets a sexy woman at Charlie's favorite bar, which easily gets his mind off his son's bad time.

Evelyn buys Alan a new sports car if he goes on a double date with her, her new boyfriend and his daughter. Alan finds out that his mother and her boyfriend can't make it, leaving the two of them alone, when Alan finds out she has a few loose screws and she ends up stealing his new car, and ending up on a televised high-speed car chase.

Evelyn reads that her second husband Harry had died. They all attend the funeral. Jake is excited to see a "dead guy" while Charlie is excited about the opportunity of a newly single widow, and Alan is glad he can pay his respects to Harry.

When Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other, Rose buts in the middle to try and help them out.

After Charlie takes Alan to the eye doctor they end up at a cafe where they both bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. Alan deicdes to ask her out after showing interest, but he can't get over the relationship she had with Charlie.

Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric and he takes Alan pretending they are life partners. While there, Charlie meets Eric's ex-wife Pamela, and tries to get with her without Eric knowing.

Alan takes Charlie to the hospital where he hits on a doctor he didn't know he had past history with. Berta is fed up with the way Jake uses the bathroom so she makes him clean it until he learns.

Alan and Charlie have to take care of Jake the whole week while Judith takes a vacation, which proves harder then they imagined.

Alan gets worried about a minor medical procedure he is going to face, so Charlie decides to take him to Vegas to get his mind off it.

After insulting the way Alan raises Jake, Alan and Charlie throw Evelyn out of the house. After ignoring her numerous phone calls, she feigns an emergency at the hospital which Aland and Charlie believe at first, until they catch her bluff.

Judith's house (actually Alan's of course) gets damaged during an earthquake and needs a place to stay. Alan offers Charlie's house without his permission. Charlie agrees, although not happy at first. Alan gets jealous when she goes on a date and has Charlie find him one to show her he can date just like anyone else.

Alan gets jealous when an old classmate who grew up to be a beautiful woman seems more interested in dating Charlie then himself.

Charlie finds out about a website created by him that shows how evil he is to women. Charlie goes and tries to find out who made the site by apologizing to all of them. He finds it hard to track down the creator when all the women take the apology a lot better than he expects.

Jake helps Charlie come up with the theme song for a children's television show which is based on one of Jake's favorite comic books. Alan finds out how smart and fun Rose is when he starts spending more time with her.

Charlie leaves a date he can't stand and ends up at a coffee shop where he runs into his ex-girlfriend, Lisa. She has broken up with her husband and left with a child. He tries to convince her that he's okay with her having a child. Jake tries to reason with his father why he isn't doing too well in school.

Alan meets the girl of his dreams in Nancy, who fulfills all of his desires which forces Charlie to take care of Jake. Trouble stirs a few days later when Alan decides he wants to marry her.

Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to help set up and cater a party that their mother had talked them into throwing her.

Alan denies ever shoplifting a toy as a child and fears that he he might have a dark side to him. Charlie admits that he planted it so he wouldn't get in trouble from their mom.

Charlie meets somebody who can play hard to get better than he does, which makes him want her even more.

Jake loves his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, and won't stop talking about him, which bugs Alan. Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to impress a Saudi prince, so she can sell him real estate. When Charlie gets his car back, his mother's bra is found in the backseat. After he finds out why it is there, he trades it in.

Jake is on the verge of getting suspended from school when he gives his teacher Miss Pyle the finger. Charlie tries to save Jake from the suspension by dating her, but fails several times.

Alan gets upset when he finds out Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician. Charlie points out, however, if she does marry him that Alan's alimony payments will end.

Alan finds out that Charlie is part of an exclusive men's group and begs his brother to be a part of it. The group contains Sean Penn, Elvis Costello, Harry Dean Stanton, and Bobby Cooper.

Charlie heads to the doctor for a vasectomy after a recent pregnancy scare.

Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's support-group with other divorcees into letting Jake still spend weekends at his place.

Charlie tries to cure Alan of his recent sleepwalking adventures; Jake goes and sees a therapist.

Charlie puts Alan's divorce settlement into jeopardy when he sleeps with his attorney, Laura.

When Jake starts playing guitar non-stop, Judith thinks it is because he is having a hard time dealing with the divorce. She suggests that he sees a therapist, which Alan does not agree with at the beginning, but agrees later on.

At Jake's birthday party Judith's sister Liz hits on Alan while Evelyn prefers to drink alcohol than eat cake.

Charlie is stunned to find out that one of his ex-girlfriends had a sex change operation.

Charlie gets offended after Alan chooses harebrained cousins as Jake's legal guardians in the event of his death.

Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why both her and her daughter are on the run, and Frankie's daughter gets a crush on Jake.

Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Franky against Alan's constant arguments about the woman.

Charlie's accountant Stan tries to explain Charlie's financial problems to him.

Charlie gets a double date with a hot neighbor and her sister and needs to take Alan along. The trouble is, Alan got sick from Jake so Charlie takes him to a steam room to heal him. It works for Alan, but Charlie becomes ill, but won't cancel the date at any cost.

Berta becomes forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work for a day. The boys like this because they get very preoccupied with her.

After bumping into Judith and her new boyfriend at the movies, Alan decides to change his look to try and get back into the dating scene, and to impress his son.

To try and prove to his girlfriend that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner at his house.

Jake befriends one of Charlie's one-night stands, which Charlie does not like as it furthers the relationship that Charlie does not want to continue.

Alan tricks Charlie in leading Jake and his classmates in the music show along with Alan and Judith.

For a class assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of one of Charlie's surfer friends, which in turn, worries his mother. Alan then starts to get worried about Judith when she becomes friends with the surfer girl.

Charlie gets in over his head after he tells Jake to avoid certain calls he doesn't want which creates a dinner plan for Charlie and his mother. When Charlie meets her new boyfriend's daughter, he realizes it is one of the people he is trying to avoid.

After a trip to Las Vegas Charlie decides to go to Jake's soccer game like he promised. There, he meets a soccer mom and they hit it off. Alan goes to a meeting with some soccer moms about creating a newsletter, but does not realize they have other plans for the night.

Berta, the housekeeper, quits after experiencing Alan's demanding ways. Alan decides he could be the housekeeper, but does not work. Alan decides to hunt her down and bring her back, leaving Charlie to get ready for dinner with his mother and grandparents. Charlie also tries to get Rose to date other guys, both tasks become harder than expected.

After a trip to Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to Judith's house so she can take care of him. Alan gets saddened over this because he is losing his wife and son. Charlie takes him to a bar, and after drinking, they end up at their mother's house trying to tell her what they think of her, but not successful in the process.

Charlie finds it hard to enforce the rules Alan has set out for his son. After Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, Charlie gets very upset. Jake tries to get Charlie to forgive him. Alan starts doing chores and errands for Judith, trying to get them back together. After one of his tasks, she kisses him, leading him to believe that things will be back to normal.

Charlie's life gets a little more complicated when his brother, Alan, and son, Jake, move in with him after his wife confesses her lesbian lifestyle and throws him out of the house. Alan later leaves after finding his son playing poker and moves in with his mother, Evelyn. Charlie realizes how lonely it is without them and invites them back.